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16MayThe Perils of Fruit
- Posted in Miscellaneous on 16th May 2008 @ 8:47pm
- (1)
Wow, its been an age since my last update! Life has been damned crazy recently; what with me having all these new great responsibilities like hoovering and "doing the dishes". Still, its all good - I'm now an expert at using ONE plate, ONE bowl and ONE mug. You get the idea. I'm toying with the idea of getting Styrofoam plates, but I don't want people to think I'm lazy or anything :D
Now, speaking of food-related stuff leads me to something I'd like to have a rant about; and if there is anyone out there reading this I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. It's something the UK government have really been pushing lately, what with it being all over the telly and radio. Something called FIVE A DAY.
For those of you who have no idea what I'm going on about, I'm talking about fruit. Apparently, its been proven by blokes in white coats that eating five fruits a day is the optimum number of fruits you should eat each and every day to help keep the brain cool or something like that.
They tell us its easy: "Five a day? C'mon, you can eat that easily!".
Really.
Now I'm not the most adventurous of people when it comes to food, but let me tell you it doesn't take long to get sick and tired of eating five apples every damn day. I tried grapes for a while, until I realized that a 'portion' of grapes means sixteen of them. 16!
If I had some young lovelies to feed them to me whilst fanning me with palm leaves (ala Caligula, heh) then I'd be more than happy to choke down an entire tree full. Hell, maybe they would ferment in my stomach and get me pissed. But no young ladies are forthcoming so I gotta feed myself.
There is an upside to eating all this fruit however. Coupled with the fact that I'm now drinking about 2000 liters of water a day, my skin has never been softer or more healthy looking. Turn of the lights and I positively glow. My work colleague and good friend Louise thinks I'm using moisturizer but honestly Lou, I'm not!
The downside to all this is that I still haven't really lost an ounce of weight, despite the fact that I'm now so full of fruit and water that I cant always eat a full meal. I guess there is no substitute for good old fashioned exercise. Oh, and this healthy eating plays merry hell with my digestive system. I suspect it's retaliating against me; demanding I force down a couple of Big Macs. God, I'd love to eat something unhealthy; I'd eat a burger made out of rotten maggot-infested horse meat if it looked good enough.
I'll tell you something though: I've never felt so healthy in my entire life. And that alone is worth a 1000 apples. I'm told it'll help me live longer too, so I can enjoy being an old man for longer. Yay!
So, the moral of the day is: eat your fruit, get daily exercise no matter how bothersome it is, and you too can feel absolutely fantastic, most of the time